Invisible

Im nothing but invisible to you.

No matter what I do or what I say, it only bypass you.
When I call you, all I get is either screams of "why keep calling?" or "Im busy, talk to you later" But those later never seems to come. Those later never exists. You dont even bother to return any of my calls or my text and when I ask its always in a very loud tone " I cant be texting you the whole time right, or Im just so busy la today". Does 1 respond of text means the whole time?

When you see me call or text, what is your feeling J? Is it..." Haih she again" or " What she want this time". Does my text and calls to you is just like another annoying messages from maxis? Does your heart even screams for exitment anymore when you see me or when i text or call? I can answer for you.....NO. If not you would gladly text me and keep the conversation going. You would gladly continue talking to me and asking how's my day instead of "Ok la, i want todo my own things". My conversation on the phone with you is only I ask, you answer and then within seconds " Ok la. I got to go". Each time I call you, I need to think 1000 times what to ask you what to talk to you what should I say. Its like Im talking to an answering machine now thats on replay.

Sigh....with so much obvious signals why am I still waiting at this cliff? I SHOULD JUST JUMP! But somehow or rather, I still await at the top of a cliff awating for you to come and save me and tell me that Im your all. Right now J, If you dont want to save me......just tell me. Even how harsh or hurt the words maybe it doesnt matter. Tell me that your with someone now and that your heart belongs to someone and that you want to built this new journey with her. Tell me all of this so one shot kill my heart for me and I wont blame you instead I will thank you for telling me the truth.

Im nothing but invisible to you.

I asked J for dinner tmw, for the first time he didnt reject. Instead he said " See how". I wonder will J text me to say yes for dinner tmw.......but my feelings tell me that he will reject me again.

Its been 4days since I had proper sleep. When I sleep, all I could hear was J's angry voice telling me that Im lonely and that I ruin his life and that he has move on. I wake up each morning with my heart beat racing and once again hearing J's voice over and over again......The only time I can sleep well is when I take sleeping medicine. I cant torture my life like this anymore. I really miss him so much it hurts to the core of my soul. The saddest thing J said to me was 'Ur too lonely", but I still forgave him.

But Sam.......

Im nothing but Invisible to J.