You, me, the stars and the skies

Felt asleep at 1plus and I had a bad dream and now eyes wide open at 445am and decide to blog. Lately Ive been having trouble sleeping. I would sleep very early this days and then wake up several times to realise that my heart is pounding really fast. And memories comes rushing to my head. I do not know how am I going to heal this. Ive made a decision but I guess its just damn hard to let go and really think about it. Is it maybe becoz like Jo said...." I had my comfort zone and now its gone Im not used to it". Maybe soo............ Questions keep on coming up to me like a tornado wave and Im so confused. Part of me is afraid it wont be for the better because like they always say " people never change" especially when your born that way, part of that will stay that way and yes....to be honest I am afraid. Im afraid of losing, Im afraid it wont change, Im afraid it will kill both sides and mainly because Im still madly in love with the other.

Another week till I fly back to melbourne and honestly, I wish I didnt come back to KL. Never knew that was my last seeing b4 the cool off period and never knew it would end up shitty. This year I have no plans for my bday. I dont want to care. Dont feel like celebrating it instead I just want to run away and hide because Im unsure of whats to come and how it will be. Its too soon!. Everyday I kept thinking and thinking, wanting to see the other bt I hesitate because then what makes a cooling period better that way. Maybe its best I just quietly go back melbourne and then it gives both a clearer mind and soul to really think about it though I know now its also the thinking period. Im confused, no better yet.....Im evil Im bad!. I do not know what am I doing now. Bt I know the other is unhappy and I know I can never give happiness the way the other wants it.

I miss the other and this holiday sucks!....Ultimately. Bt if I dont do this.....This painfulness in both side will never end.