On my way home.

Im sitting here in the first class lounge and finally the wireless can be used
Im actually about 9hours away from my home sweet home.
But this time things would be different I know.
My feeling right now is not the same as before. Getting exited, thinking whats the first thing i should say to my bf and hugging him. But i know that is different now...

Im not that exited this time around to come back, instead i was thinking to defer my flight home to end of december. I didnt pack till the very last minute of my flight, I left my house in a mess and still have the thought that i still got one more day b4 i fly back home. Needless to say Im not as keen as i was b4 in flying back.

But i know i cant hide in melbourne forever.
I know things would still be there and the truth is still there just waiting for me to solve it.

I dun wanna solve it, I dun wan arguments, I dun wan to face reality, I dun wan to fall out of love. I just want everything as it was before.

I just want all of this to go away.

I do not know how I will face him and I dont even know how I would feel when he touches me. I miss him alot and I was waiting for this very day to arrive. But somehow I wish that I dun have to go back to KL and face the drama in my life. Each time I think i did the right move then something just struck my head and I cant get over through my system that he did cheat on me.

This is like a repeating chapter in my life and at this point Im vunarable and I dunno if this time around I would make the right choice. Or would I just repeat history again and let things to hurt me once again like it did before? I wish I had an answer for my decisions now or a sign or something telling me to make the right and correct decision without regretting.

The last thing I want to do is regret and hate the person i once loved.

I wish for an answer to appear in front of me.

I cant sleep nor I can eat. Each time I close my eyes...A vision of him holding someone elses hand was just unexceptable and I thought he would be the one person on earth will never do that to me. But i was wrong.

God if only you showed me a sign telling me what decision to make.

YouKnowYouLoveMe,
-SAM-