Went to eat bah kut teh today and the weather started off hot and humid. Was suprise that you replied my message. I never expected it. After finding zha bo went to pavillion for movie today.
At the cinema I was with someone but somehow it felt wrong and empty. I remember the first time we watched movie together. The movie was 007 and it was so funny because you were laughing your ass off while holding the almost tilted popcorn. And I couldnt help bt to adore those cute little gestures you made. All this memories brings me to tears once again and all I could only do was to just sulk it all in. Tht someone asked me if I was ok today and I said Im fine and tears rolled down my eyes. Each time I step into the cinema even after 3 years, I always smile remembering our 1st time at the movies but today is different. Instead of smile, it felt like knife poking through my heart and stabbing it as if it has never been stabbed before. I felt bad for the guy who brought me to movie today. But Im sorry, all I can ever think about is J. I hope he understands what Im going through.
After I got home, a message was delivered to my phone and I tot it was J but it turns out it was the guy(C). Sadly I texted back and then went to shower. Sigh.........
Called J today and again J were cold towards me. J why you always ended up talking to me not more than 5minutes and always hesitate to talk to me furthur nor to ask how am i or have i eaten etc. Does my calls and messages annoy you? Do you hate talking to me? Does my presence annoys you? Its okay.
Why dont you have your lunch even if you are busy? Im so worried about you. But I guess you worry nothing about me. Still is okay.
Anyways didnt see J online. Most probably J already started blocking me on msn and everything else. And maybe bit by bit start to erase me away. Well if it is that way than I guess there is no hope anymore. But somehow silly of me to keep hoping that we could give it a try one last time.
I only can wish hope and pray for good things to come. My heart breaks each time J's friends mention how J were doing when I was away. And it breaks my heart everytime knowing that I could have been there to hug him and tell him that I still love him very much and that everything Ive said was a big huge mistake.
People have done mistakes. But how come Im not worth to be given a second chance? Cant I do mistakes? Must I always be perfect?
Yet another day passes by without him by my side.
-S-
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