TheTruthBoutDiamondz

Dong Dong Do Chiang!!

2012-01-15T01:06:00.000+11:00

CNY is coming....
Uber exited as this would be my first year ushering new year with my husband.....

Got so much to do and so much to clean....Mum told me to do this and that and geez I didnt know that celebrating CNY have so much tradition but again Im exited as this would mark my first family tradition too....

Hopefully next year cny i would have little ones and it would be more meaningful and fun instead of me giving angpao i then can collect angpao too haha...

This would also be the 2nd year Im celebrating CNY in Melbourne and I surely will miss all my families back home :(. But next year hubby promise me we will go back for cny next year......

How is everyone celebrating their CNY????

xoxo,

What's Going On

2012-01-13T02:56:00.000+11:00

Hey peeps,

Its been a long time since I last came here and list out my thoughts. Haven't have much of a me time lately since I got married & got a new job.

I was looking back at all my previous post and how much Ive grown, how many new and exiting people Ive met throughout these years and mainly how my new chapter begins. Its funny how you think that everything worked out to be and many times you expect the unexpected to happen.

Mostly things you never thought would be yours turns out to be your biggest happiness & things you previously wished you did but now back to defer. I for one had many things that have happen to me in the last year and finally found my happiness I always wanted.

To update those who haven't know much about me....I for 1 fell in love with the most perfect man on earth which was right in front of me all this while and i haven't take note of. He was my bestfriend back in college, argued for 3 years and now after 5 months we're happily married. I tell you being married isn't a bad thing. Its the most wonderful thing in a girl's world aside for being a mum. Aside having slight conflict with the in laws and arguing over what theme should the wedding be, everything else is wonderful beautiful lyrical....The list can just go on and on.....But marriage thought me alot of things and forces both of us to grow up, which i never regretted it.

Secondly I've got a job, not a job i dream for but enough for now to help me survive and save some cash. Its been a year now since i graduated and nothings change except I may have forgotten a thing or two on 3d softwares and still manage to remember most of autocad shortcuts. That because Im struggling on being a junior architect - the name is nice but honestly the shit Im doing is just plain drawings and mostly doing contract documentation and being my boss PA.

Thirdly - Well there's no third...haha...Am just taking advantage of my first marriage years being pampered and spoilt by my hubby and learning how to be a good wife - washing,cleaning,cooking...more like a maid if you must say so...but that's a life of a wife and making a home comfortable is what the motto is....Lols...

Anyways to end this post I would like to say WELCOME BACK SAM! and hopefully I would, I promise keeping blogging to get some of my old readers and hopefully new ones back :)

xoxo,

Blog Blog Blog

2011-03-14T18:36:00.000+11:00

Haaa...

Sometimes its so nice to view my blog...anyways since graduating, i thought i could have a good solid rest....bt little did i know...im so busy till today! Firstly was arranging my wedding this september then headache with my documents and things for my visa applications then resume and portfolio for job interview....Honestly i dont even have time for myself.

Now that we're finalizing things, I have so much to worried about. And the best part is...things keep pilling up and up until i do not know where to start. We just found out that we can register our marriage here in australia and somewhat we think that it will be a nice ocassion to celebrate it with friends who couldnt attend the ceremony in KL, so this would be an excuss to do our marriage registration here in melbourne.

Other than that, Im busy trying to figure out how to make space in our room and what needed to be done. I have so much things todo in my list and one of them including wedding shoes. My goodness is so nerve wrecking and i think i would just grab watever that is pretty and thats it coz its not like im going to wear it again....

I hope there in after i can get a good solid rest before i start on my job and say bye bye to holidays, afternoon naps and lazing around :(

xoxo,

The BITCH IS BACK!

2011-01-22T12:42:00.000+11:00

Hello everyone.....

Due to tremendous email and mouth nagging to update my blog or bring my blog back to live, Ive decided to revamp it and change it a little bit. And Ive also decided to blog again...Yes...youve heard it...blog again so that some of my little fans will get a glimpse of my life/.....

Anyways this time around my blog will be simple...a picture of recent things ive done daily and quote or maybe word or two about it...Ok sometimes maybe a looong nagging post but thats if i got the time todo so haha....

On the other hand...Good news....I GETTING MARRIED!!....

Fill you all in with the info later on....

xoxo

Appear beneath a calm water

2010-09-20T13:19:00.000+10:00

Once in a while, I will reappear again from beneath the water.....Like a fish coming out once in awhile to gasp some air....

So here is where I gasp some air and feed humans info about my recent life....haha

Nothing much has been happening except for the rushing finals im having now and then cracking my head what should i do next year...marriage? work? babies?or just being idle like now?...How i wish im still in college...not uni but college....I never realise how nice and fun it was in college though it was tiring because of the hectic -archi fuck - ture but otherwise its fun...nothing to complain about....Other than that we went to royal melbourne show...for the 1st time in my whole 3 years in melbourne...haha...we totally had awesome possum fun...

Toys that bf won at d carnival...:D

Owh another thing is......i have the sudden urge to buy a new puppy and a friend for melody....A few days ago bf and myself went to chadstone and we saw this super duper cute cavalier king charles spaniel....its sooo cute but we're considering if it would be a good playmate for melody and will it grow super big or just as big as melody....and then again....i want to buy a shih tzu...ahhhh so much to decide but once again im stuck with who is gonna care for them when i go back for cny this coming year.....planning planning planning decision decision decisions.....argh.....

N Im sick and tired of calling that two people out to join our group...You know when you try to be nice and connect the so called fucked up groups you used to have back in college....some people just dont see the point and rather reject you like a million times....So im not going to invite them to anything anymore since they are constantly busy and rather not remmeber the friendship we all use to have....than so be it....i rather not waste my time on this people and just move on! haha....yes move on.....So much to do yet so little time....

Planning again for a next trip and hopefully Macau would be the first by end year...and then hopefully gold coast....Hopefully my plans wif zha bo would be confirmed too...to go europe and paris....Again decisions decisions and planning planning....

Thats all for this time post...will blog again when i have the time....

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

Lazy bloggin

2010-08-03T15:39:00.000+10:00

Im suck at sitting down and blog each time....and its even worst when i have to upload pictures in it haha...I dunno how people in Malaysia do it...its soooo slow the connection. Im really amazed at how people blog every single day....They must have 48hours in a day....haha...I try very hard to keep up with my blog....

Uni started and I cant believe Im already almost to the finish end of my entire study life....Gosh sometimes I wish it goes abit slower....It hasnt hit me yet but i know soon it will and when it comes...I will freak out and probably hope and pray that I can study and get funded forever haha.

On the other hand....Today is our 4 months anniversary....How time flies and it still havent got into my head that Im with him sharing this moment and this path of my life and it will continue like this forever.....Just months ago we were still 2 strangers who doesnt know much about each other and just remain friends....Now its like im living in him and he's living in me.....We practically know what we're gonna say next, when we will do what and everything just clicked. I never had this awesome feeling before and Im sooo soo blessed that God sent me this amazing guy to be part of my life.

This month alot of people that I know is coming to melbourne to visit....I dun think I have any time for myself this semester.....Aunts, cousins are all flocking in melbourne.....Why dont u all come in Decemeber la!...That way i have ample time to sit and take u to places....haih haha....

Owh and have I told you guys I went Sydney? Haha...I think I did mention but again stupidly lazy to upload pictures....Owh and I wanna go to Singapore Marina Bay hotel...It seems super cool and I think its SUPER EXPENSIVE too....Owh well...maybe in the next few years.....

Gonna do the laundry now...Bf's on the way back and Im sure he'll be pissed when he finds out that I bought him a PINK file for his Uni notes kakakaa....

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

fOREVER

2010-07-22T13:14:00.000+10:00

Oi Guess what.....
It felt like Ive not blogged like forever!!.................Holiday's been good and classes starting next week!...kenot take it!.....
Tmw will be celebrating my pre bday with the gang and the rest of the humans in melbourne. Somehow I dun feel like celebrating my bday.....sooo unlike me.....anyways....I think i have to start bloggin back again la...if not my blog can just rot and no one sees it anymore.....

xoxo,

-S-

Home sweet home

2010-06-26T05:53:00.000+10:00

HOME SWEET HOME!

I get all exited when I see my pink walls, my pink bag cabinet and my pink colorful bed spread.....

It makes me feels so much at home.

But on the other...there is another home that Im missing now.....

A home that Im slowly creating with boyfriend back in Melbourne.

Will be back only for 10days so Im gonna shop till i drop...buy stuff for boyfriend and myself...and spend quality time wif the people that I love here in Malaysia.

I miss this princess a whole lot....She's now comfortably at boyfriend place :)

Tmw myself and my adik angkat is gonna go to this tutti fruitti stall in bangsar..Apparently it sells yogurts or some sort. Malaysia is being as HOT as ever and technically I used to miss Malaysia so much but now Im so used to Melbourne/....I think maybe finally I shall call Melbourne Home aswell. Yes you heard it from me. I guess the culture here and there is totally different and Ive adapted the angmo culture that whever I go here in Malaysia I feel odd....I speak Malay so cacat this few days and Im so sick of the HOT weather. But no matter how Malaysia will always be my MAIN home.

Foods good, friends are here, families are here but there is just one more person Im missing the most right now~~~~

This boy here!

I miss him so much its not funny!!......

Good thing that it makes us miss each other so much but the bad thing is...we are so sticky and dependent on each other now....haha....I guess well....I think its not bad...i take back my words.....

On the other hand....tmw Im gonna go shopping and first things first....CHANEL....!!

Boyfriend bought me necklace and earing....So I shall c what else Im gonna add to my collection...Mum was damn happy i bought her the chanel flaps and now we both have the same flaps but in different color...I have pink and black now wee wee~~~. I wonder what color they have it here...i hope no more camilie chanel flaps...or else i cant help but to buy them again and keep them haha swt!

Till then,

-S-

Perfection and appreciation

2010-06-18T12:40:00.000+10:00

Hello people

Yes Im still alive after much nonsense have been going on for the past 2 weeks.

Firstly, My finals for all my journals was rush within 24 hours before submission.

Ive never write so much in my entire life...write until fingers also blister and i only slept like an hour. Am so proud at myself at how I can still go on with mind blank. haha....

Other than tht shit has been happening on the bf side.

Rules to have a perfect relationship :

Never let the siblings get into your head

Bf must be strong enuff to ask them to shut up

Never try to be nice to people anymore.

The fact is, Ive always put on my best impression for people and sometimes not all people appreciate it at all. Might aswell dont need to put any effort for those who doesnt appreciate you nor gave you the chance to meet you. So dont need waste any of those time instead use those time to do something you like. After what has happen Ive soon realise to be selfish and dont need to put on any effort because your not appreciated by them.

Other than that, Im going back to Malaysia soon weeeee~~~ But bf is being sad. It would be our first time apart since we got together and Im still struggling haha. Im sure 2 weeks past on very fast.......

Now Im so relax...I can sleep anytime I want....do watever i want to do and chill as long as i can....until end of july that is.....FINALS FINALS FINALS.....EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS.....ESSAY ESSAY ESSAY.

I know its like 2 month from now...bt i damn kan cheong....I dun want to lose...I want to win and get it done and over with. Luckily I have zha bo with me....So blessed to have her in my life haha.

Anyways will update soon.

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

FINALS

2010-05-22T14:28:00.000+10:00

FINALS IS HERE..................
Part of me cant wait till its over...and part of me is dreading the time and the endless of work have to be done.
Having an ernourmous cramp on my left side and its been like tht for a week now..damn u so pain!!. Other than tht been busy trying very hard to do work instead of enjoying and etc...
Still contemplating to go back on the 24th of june or on the 1st of july. Either way im not tht exited to go back.....Owh and.....I want to change my blog layout. Anyone care to help me? haha

xoxo,

-S-

Big things todo

2010-05-14T02:29:00.000+10:00

Hello beloved readers,

Or maybe none at all after all since its been ages since Ive blogged anything.
Major reason was being madly in love and another part is busy with uni and going mad on weekends with the bunch.

I was thinking todo a major project after my semester is done : -
I plan to redecorate my room (which Ive been planning to do for the past 1 year)
D.I.E.T! ( another failed one since Ive got B with me).
Singing lessons ( which I plan todo for the past 3 years now).

My dieting is killing me. I was fine for the past 4 months ago before flying back to melbourne and now...it has FAIL yes big F.A.I.L!.....After this week....Im going to diet and no one is going to stop me i tell u!!.

Other thing that happen is.....I cant stop talking about the boyfriend....He's adorable, he's such a sweetheart, he's such an arse for making me laugh all the time and I have never been so happy in my entire life. Each day passes by like months and funny thing is....we think alike on almost anything and its scary but I love it.....So for the next few entries Im going to blog is about the stuff that i will buy to decorate my room ( yes, im planning todo my room hence today!) and my attempt to DIET once again...I cant stand it anymore....IM FAT...haha yes Ive said it and Im not shy....!Anyho....Im gonna head to bed....the boyfriend is snoring again.... xoxo.

Btw, Ive dye my hair...wee hee...:)

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

Decisions and changes

2010-05-01T15:20:00.000+10:00

Its been the longest of time since Ive updated my blog.

Lets see...been busy falling in love, been busy wif assignments, been busy wif uni, been busy wif friends

When I sit and think of everything that has happen. I get amazed at how life is

One minute you know your destine to do this, than out of the sudden middle of no where,

It vanishes and changed your plan just like that.

I used to think that this year would be my last year here in melbourne

But than suddenly someone came into my life and immediately this becomes my home now.

Evrything I had planned for now is different and I know my parents are damn happy about me being here in melbourne permenantely.

To be honest i still cant c myself staying here and making a living and starting a family here.

Never in my wildest dreams or thinking. I guess people do change and things change for many reasons.

But Im not complaining...I found him....I need him more than anything else in the world :)

-S-

Lucky Im in love with my bestfriend

2010-04-14T01:53:00.000+10:00

Easter came and gone like the wind...
And now I can feel the stress and assingments pilling up like hills....
Bad enuff got this shit going on...Im starting to fall sick...Every single time....finals sure one of the time i get fever or flu or cough haih sien.....
But this time around easter was a moment tht I will remember for the rest of my life.

All this while, He was standing in front of me....So near yet so far.
I have no said a thing neither did he....
I guess all this while we thought we couldnt get pass through the idea of us being together because we are such good good friends and we care for each other so much to hurt each other.
Little did I know when we didnt talk for 3 years...he was always concern about me and find out little things about me whenever he could. I wish we didnt had to waste those 3 years...
But maybe because of tht we went our seperate ways to learn about life and to grow up maturely and when we meet....its just fall into place. And it really it...if it was 3 years back , you ask me to be wif him...i dont think he suits me and he would think the same too about me....But we've grown so much and mature so much that I think its right for us to be together....
No doubt in this 7 years being friends...I find similarities between us but I never thought we are SOOO SIMILIAR in sooo many ways....I guess like people say....its better to start of as friends only to be couples so tht we understand each other better and we would know if we suited together.

It is such a blessing in disguise to have him honestly...
I thought I couldnt break the fact that I like him only as friends....
And I know many of you knows tht my heart is hard to get it....

Well....He did....He broke those walls I built....he broke me and made me love him unconditionally....He manage to stole my heart away....I hope he loves me unconditionally too.....

I will never in this world hurt him and I hope he does too...
I hope for once Im right and tht he is the one tht ive been waiting for all of my life.

YouknowYouLoveMe,

-S-

:)

2010-04-09T15:56:00.002+10:00

Another exiting news,

As of 3 of April 2010

Im officially someone's gf!!

Love magic

2010-04-09T15:52:00.000+10:00

Sometimes when i think about it.

Am I considered lucky or it if just meant to be.

We've known each other 7 years and finally out of no where, we're together.

Its wonderful how life and love works in mysterious way tht no one can explain the magic to it.

I hope this time he's the one :)

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

I suck

2010-03-29T12:45:00.000+11:00

LONG OVERDUE AGAIN~
I dont know why each time when Im back in melbourne or somewhat....I totally forget to blog.
I dont know how some people have so much time in a day to blog every single detail about their life.
I tried doing it but I cant lor....I dont even have time to take a proper sleep let alone blog.
But some people can lor....why ah? Maybe tooooo free??? Or internet addict?

Its so mafan....one is type second is upload pictures...in kl lagi worst la...takes time to upload pictures coz of the internet speed.

Anyways enuff of bising.....easters coming...so hopefully by then I will be able to blog alog....hahaha...

-S-

Married, babies and a whole lot more

2010-03-20T12:52:00.000+11:00

I cant stand it....
Everyone I know or heard off are either getting married, getting engage or having a baby.
When is it my turn???? goodnessss sobs

-S-

Pushing

2010-03-17T02:14:00.000+11:00

Even now tht your mine.

Yet your not the one I could talk too.

You always push me aside.

I cant even pour out things or tell you wat is my mind thinking.

All I get is rejection and rejection and then I have to oblige.

If not you will get pissed at me and dont want to talk to me.

So in the end...I just oblige to you and stop telling you things.

Sooner or later, I would be like a fake doll tht only can listen but cant speak

Busy Bee

2010-03-14T18:38:00.000+11:00

Ive been uberly tired and no time to blog ever since I came back to melbourne.....

So much things have been going on and its driving me nuts.
Birthdays, assignment, personal matters....waaaaa my head gonna burst de la......I kenot take it hhaa....

Bored

2010-03-11T19:32:00.001+11:00

I'm testing my iPhone blog....haha i wonder if it work haha xoxo Sam

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-03-10T10:04:00.002+11:00

I miss you.
Yes I do.....
I hate it when I wake up alone each morning....
Cant wait to see you in june....:)

Stupid classes

2010-03-02T02:34:00.000+11:00

Class started today and already I feel sooo damn DULAN about it....
I do not know how am I gonna survive this sem...omg...im sooo sooo soooo lazy!!
Anyways hopefully zha bo and me can be in the same class for design....
Bloody melbourne weather is making me sick again.....FOREVER LIKE THIS....
Update ya'll tmw.....
Nytessss

-S-

All I can do

2010-02-27T19:16:00.000+11:00

Ive been trying and trying

But how come things still feel the same?

Is it really me or is things just feel complicated?

Ive spend nights thinking about it and to be honest, it felt like strangers

It felt like we're living in 2 different world.

It no longer felt like we're as one.

I wanna scream and shout.....but all I can do is just sit there and wait

Awaiting for that very moment.

-S-

Bruise ankle anyone?

2010-02-27T03:16:00.000+11:00

Its been such a tiring day today.
Firstly went to St Michael Grammer school in chapel street coz my cousin wants to change her school there.
Its so nice compare to Msia school....Namely because the subjects.
They had the main subjects like maths english and such and then students get to picked out 3 more classes of their interest in different fields.

What caught my eyes was Music and production, drama, and everything else that's got to do with Performing arts. Immediately I missed school and if I were to be given a chance...I would be such a happy kid with those subjects hehe...Anyways I had an accident today and I almost yes...almost....banged someone car and it was a C class....haih....That idiot just jam break all of the sudden when I was shifting my lane to the right and with that I jam break and shift to a corner and the passenger side was 1cm close to the C class bumper. I got stunt and my legs went numb. Luckily there wasnt cars behind tht followed me if not sure habis one whole lane. Came home after that only to realise tht my ankle got twisted...Must have been me breaking or somewhat Im not sure...bt its becoming worst....My ankle seems bruise and pain and I cant walk properly. Stupid driver...!

Bathed Melody today and my my she smells nice now....She's grown so so big and somehow...Im not like any religious blogger who post pictures at every post....Im lazy haha....will show you Melody when I have the time to upload on my laptop haha. Other than tht, my dad cousin came with his family and tmw morning gonna bring them to eat breakfast...blerh....Im so lazy...I wonder if I can wake up ahaha.

Hope tmw my ankle would feel much better.....damn damn damn.....i wanna go shopping tmw also cannot....leg fucked up like this...haih...

Anyways off to bed now....Silly J havent called me yet...I wonder if he's already home....Missing J already.

-S-

!

2010-02-26T11:12:00.002+11:00

Is it me?

Am I being too sensitive?

I do not know anymore

I need you

2010-02-25T22:44:00.001+11:00

How come it feels like Im the only one in love.
Im so afraid of saying or telling him things in case he might think im being persistent.
Sigh.....
It felt he din care as he used to nor he wants to show tht he cares.
I feel alone.
Is it too soon to judge? Do he still really miss me now tht Im far away?

.......................................................................I miss him very much.
I miss how he used to call me each morning he awakes & how each night he calls me to chat & say goodnite
I miss how he is mad when I dont call or text him even how busy I am
I miss how his voice sound like whenever i call him
I miss how he says "Hi darling" in those exited manner.
I really miss all of tht very much and most importantly I miss him very very much.
I wonder if he miss doing all those to me?

Melbourne Melbored

2010-02-25T13:58:00.000+11:00

Hello Melbourne,

Did you miss me? I sure hell I didnt miss you hahaha......
Yes people Im home in d land of bloody ang mo country. I only miss the weather here haha.
Just finish unpacked, bath and eat....now im doozing off before my four legged daughter will be home and i wont have time to rest....
Missing someone already :(

-S-

Cousins and growing up

2010-02-21T07:13:00.000+11:00

3more days till Im leaving to melbourne once again.
Somehow this 3 months here in KL felt like the longest most hurtful days of my life.
It felt like 3 years instead of 3 months back in KL this time around.

I have so much todo before I leave for melbourne and somehow why didnt I do all of this before hand.
I somehow feel useless and again rush last minute things...aiyorrrr.....
Part of me cant wait to go back to melbourne so that I can leave all this bad memories in KL behind for a bit, but another part of me "mm se tak"/ tak sanggup to leave KL because Ive meet so many nice crazy insane friends that have been around for the past 3 months with me.

Tday us cousins went paintball game and it felt nice and kind of reminded me of our childhood. When we were small, we were so so close together but as we grew up...everyone went their seperate ways and thinking arent the same. We became adults, we think more deeper, we have our own life, career, bf/gf and never like before when we know nothing but fun and laughter and when is our next sleepover at grandma's house or who's aunt house this time to have sleepover. I can remember each school holiday we would all gather at our grandma's house and stayed there for 3 days or sometimes a week and we had tons of fun.

Back then our grandma still runs a kindergarten and she has this big ass bungalow where classes commence below and upstairs is where the bedrooms were. So we had a big big big enormous garden to run around, classes to play pretend, countless of rooms to play and a big ass balcony above to play and have night chit chats. Grandma use to have all the sport equipment too so we could play "pass the bean bag" or holla hoops or sack jumping and many other school stuff to play. So our time at our grandma place was always full of our own made up activities among the cousins and we would decide which room we should sleep in each night or nap time. Than most night, grandma and grandpa would bring us out to dinner or go jalan jalan and then we will all come back home and grandma will make us supper before we all curl in our grandma's room and tuck each others in and sleep.

I miss those time we had when we thought nothing but seeing the cousins for sleepover and seeing our grandma and grandpa. I wish right now even how old we are or even if we are married and have our own life, despite the uncles being an arse, I just wish we could all gather as cousins and think nothing but fun and laughter. Today was one of the days that I wish we had more often.

Anyways, pictures of today will be uploaded later on...Im tooo sleepy...After paintball we all went back home and nap and then we went for karaoke after tht. Majority of the cousins didnt be able to make it but it doesnt matter....we shall organize again another time when Im back from Melbourne.

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

Morning Malaysia

2010-02-20T10:37:00.000+11:00

Its freaking 730am and I havent wake up this early since I got back from Melbourne!

If you ask why am I up this early is becoz..........

WE'RE GOING PAINTBALL!!

Yes no doubt Im still scared of the pain that will cause me, yet my itchy butt wants to play haha.

Update you pictures later.

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

New year new me?

2010-02-19T19:22:00.000+11:00

Chinese New Year this year came and gone like the wind.

And that picture is one fugly pic my cousin took.

Should ask him to take more of me. His skill is not bad hehe. Kudos Chris

In a few days more Im going back to the land called Melbored.

Im going back to the land where I can forget all my worries here in kl and become a better person.

Its been a hectic 3months since Ive came back and none of them was suprising.

Am not gonna bored you with all the boring love shit and my past.

Ive decided to MOVE ON and leave everything behind and inside the closet.

No longer need to open it and be heartbroken.

Instead a new chapter of my life has just begun.

Today and from now on, it will be the old Sam again.

Ever ready to go on a new adventure and seek what I can be able todo now since Im single.

There are many guys out there who wants me, but only one will be able to break down this walls of mine.

And I wonder who will tht be?

But for now, I enjoy being what I am now and being able to do things I couldnt do before.

Tmw is cousin's day out at the paintball field.

Cant wait, perhaps clubbing at night? haha.

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

Sam, your stupid

2010-02-18T07:11:00.000+11:00

C suprise me today.
He took me out and I thought it was just a normal dinner.
Little did I know he took me to shook and we had dinner there.
He said to me " I know your unhappy with wat J told you today, but i hope that i can give you what J couldnt give",
I couldnt help but smile knowing that someone still think of me and want to make me smile.
And I said...."ok...lets enjoy the night".
We talked alot today...about everything and about the future. Honestly....C is a very stable and romantic and giving guy. At times I feel bad for him but he always remind me to take my time and he knows someday I can give him the world. He said that I can love someone who has nothing and whole heartdly forgo everything to be with that person. He said a girl like me dont come by often. He say he wants to win my love and he will do watever it takes to be wif me. At a point I feel like Im on cloud 9 knowing that someone loves me so much in order to this for me, but another part of me wishing that it was Jonas who said those words to me, that Jonas was the one who want to give the relationship a chance and to find back the love for me. But sadly its not Jonas and from now onwards I will not think of Jonas. Because no matter what I do Jonas cant c it. He dont even want to give our love another try so why shud I go through all this heartache for someone who cannot give me something as so simple as LOVE.

Im afraid to give C a chance. I want to but at the same time Im afraid of getting hurt again. Because.....Im selfish and right now I only want to think of myself and make sure no one hurt me again. 3 years ago , I foolishly let someone break down those walls I built, and that person did not and will not love me. I dont want to be foolish again.

-S-

Suprises??

2010-02-16T04:48:00.000+11:00

Tday went karaoke with my cousins and we had a blast.
Its been a long time since we all gather and meet up.
Should do it more often.

After karaoke, i went to c my frens for yumcha and suddenly I saw a M6 drove pass....I didnt notice the car plate, than suddenly someone came from behind and close my eyes.....The smell of the perfume I imediately knew who it was.......It was him :)

He told my frens not to tell me that he came and suprise me all the way from PJ....Just to come to rampai old town and c me....hahahahaha....i feel like cloud 9. Its so nice when someone purposely come and suprise you like this. Than it was his first time meeting my other friends. It went well and we chated and he send me home. He told me he was glad to see me and ask me if I was glad.....I just smiled. Deep down I am happy bt sad at the same time becoz I miss J so so much. Sigh.......

Tmw gonna go to honda to pick up the car that daddy bought for J previously. Sigh I knw its gonna kill me seeing that car and knowing that I cant sit that car when J is driving it. Told daddy to maybe pass that car to my grandma n change her car or something. I just dont want to see it at all.

Anyways, wanna go wash up now....Just got home...
Happy CNY to everyone too....

-S-

Puzzles

2010-02-15T18:15:00.000+11:00

From now on I will not post anything about that person anymore.
Its a waste of time.
If he thinks that Im not worth his time or chance than just tell it to my face. Why cant he?
I dont want to hear all that MOVE ON CRAP......Just tell me YOU DONT DESERVE A CHANCE. Thats all!

Haih.....
Anyways.....C bought me puzzle as my V day present. I was surpise that somewhere out there, someone still care for me. The puzzle is very unique and Im gonna fixed it and frame it up and present back to C. I hope he will be surpised as well....its a 500 piece puzzle and I hope I can finish it in 2days.

Am trying to be happy. Am trying not to be sad.

Waiting for you.

2010-02-15T06:27:00.001+11:00

U ask me to wait,
I will wait.
U ask me to give u space,
I will give.
U ask me to chill,
Im chilling.
U ask me to give u time,
Im giving

But at least during this wait,space,time....show me something...a progression if its doing well or not. If its going somewhere or just heading to "I DONT WANT TO BE WIF U....F OFF".

Do you like it if Im doing this to you? Or do you like it when someone you love so so much and wanting to know if you could have that second chance do this to you? Im sure it will be dreadfull for you and its d same for me. I hope you for once despite ur confuse, sit and think where this is heading. Its already been 5days yet its still AVOIDING.

Right now, Im lost for words to ask for your forgiveness.
Im lost at every angle not knowing what is going on in us and where will this take us too?
I have no signal from you. No progression from you show the least something.
All I get is.....AVOID AVOID AVOID....Ok la....Im busy....Im not free...I dont have the time.
Can you look at me in the eyes and talk to me and tell me?
We used to always sit and talk and make a solution together because we cared so much on each other. Is it the same now?
Did you carefully thought about us and whats going to happen in this matter?
Will we or will we not give it a try?

I can only talk to myself and write to myself.
No matter how much I scream or cry. There is no answer from the other side.
Your happy going through ur everyday life and Im here thinking how long more should I see a signal from you?

I miss u

2010-02-13T05:10:00.000+11:00

I was going through my old untouched profile in friendster and I was seeing J's profile and I saw this photo :

How I miss those times.

I wonder if J still remember this tiny little memory of us?

Will we ever revive back this sweet memory or create new ones?

Tong Tong Tong Chiang!!

2010-02-13T04:51:00.000+11:00

Dear Readers,

Its time to not keep writting sad stuff for once and focus on whats coming.

For those celebrating CNY,

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR & HAVE A PROSPOROUS YEAR AHEAD

For you loved ones out there,

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

This remind me each year chinese new year me and J would have our ritual. One the first day of CNY, we would exchange picture of each other that day to see how we look like all dress up and hype for the day. How I miss doing that with him.

And V day reminded me of the last V day we had....I cooked for him my speciality and we had a nice dinner for 2 together than we went to join my parents for ice cream and then for movies and down to pulse bar with his family. I wonder if we didnt break up, what would our V day would be this year?

Ive thought before, I was thinking that this year I would again cook for him and bake us a cake and rent a dvd and cosily watch in my room till we fall asleep. Sadly it can only be my imagination now.

Once again, thank you all for your kind support and Happy CNY n Happy V day to each and everyone of you out there.

-S-

Sick? Invisible? Rubbish?

2010-02-12T22:36:00.000+11:00

I woke up today with bad throat, flu, cough and fever. The cough is so bad tht i cough blood. Should I see a doctor?
Immediately I took all kinds of medicine just so I could be ok and hoping that I can be ok to go dinner with J.
But as I have guessed correctly once again......J rejected me.

Im done hoping for J to go out with me and start things again.
Its no use. He has forgotten everything about us and what we had.
To him is nothing but old rubbish that doesnt need to be around his mind.

So much for thinking that he will go out wif me today and thinking tht he will give us a chance.
Why is tht so many guys before done bad things to me when we broke up and i never once looked back but J, he makes me love him so much even how much cold words he pours on me or how harshly he done things to me.

Sometimes I wish not to be like this.

Invisible

2010-02-12T07:04:00.000+11:00

Im nothing but invisible to you.

No matter what I do or what I say, it only bypass you.
When I call you, all I get is either screams of "why keep calling?" or "Im busy, talk to you later" But those later never seems to come. Those later never exists. You dont even bother to return any of my calls or my text and when I ask its always in a very loud tone " I cant be texting you the whole time right, or Im just so busy la today". Does 1 respond of text means the whole time?

When you see me call or text, what is your feeling J? Is it..." Haih she again" or " What she want this time". Does my text and calls to you is just like another annoying messages from maxis? Does your heart even screams for exitment anymore when you see me or when i text or call? I can answer for you.....NO. If not you would gladly text me and keep the conversation going. You would gladly continue talking to me and asking how's my day instead of "Ok la, i want todo my own things". My conversation on the phone with you is only I ask, you answer and then within seconds " Ok la. I got to go". Each time I call you, I need to think 1000 times what to ask you what to talk to you what should I say. Its like Im talking to an answering machine now thats on replay.

Sigh....with so much obvious signals why am I still waiting at this cliff? I SHOULD JUST JUMP! But somehow or rather, I still await at the top of a cliff awating for you to come and save me and tell me that Im your all. Right now J, If you dont want to save me......just tell me. Even how harsh or hurt the words maybe it doesnt matter. Tell me that your with someone now and that your heart belongs to someone and that you want to built this new journey with her. Tell me all of this so one shot kill my heart for me and I wont blame you instead I will thank you for telling me the truth.

Im nothing but invisible to you.

I asked J for dinner tmw, for the first time he didnt reject. Instead he said " See how". I wonder will J text me to say yes for dinner tmw.......but my feelings tell me that he will reject me again.

Its been 4days since I had proper sleep. When I sleep, all I could hear was J's angry voice telling me that Im lonely and that I ruin his life and that he has move on. I wake up each morning with my heart beat racing and once again hearing J's voice over and over again......The only time I can sleep well is when I take sleeping medicine. I cant torture my life like this anymore. I really miss him so much it hurts to the core of my soul. The saddest thing J said to me was 'Ur too lonely", but I still forgave him.

But Sam.......

Im nothing but Invisible to J.

Love is like a box of chocolate.

2010-02-11T08:22:00.000+11:00

As Im awake at this silent midnight. The wind is blowing outside so calmly and I can see the bright moon again shinning down at me. While acompanied by the silentness of the outside world, Im in my room fixing my 2000 piece puzzle. As I fixed those little puzzle, I start to shed tears again. It felt as if Im fixing my own heart bit by bit with care and attention. I couldnt help but to wonder about J and about all the things we talked about yesterday. Will things ever be the same again? Is he happy with her? Does she make him happy? Am I not worth it?

And then I start to wonder, does this break up and messy things that have happen so far has make us realise that we still love and miss each other so much? Teresa told me, maybe after this hardship god has given you and J so that if we can go through this strongly no matter how much battle have been fought only we learn to really treasure this relationship. So much thoughts been running through my mind after the conversation. J said he's confused and I do not know what exactly J wants. All I can do is wait. But why J needs to be confuse? Doesnt he knows that he have someone and that he's happier? 2days ago I told myself to let go, but today Im back to square one, thinking and thinking and hoping again. Should I let J go? Should I let go of everything we built?

Fought with C today when I came home. C tells me why am I so stupid and so blind and not seeing the real picture and that accept the fact J have someone else, J have already replace me to her as his darling. And I cried again and told C that being in love and building a love for someone is not easy. It takes time and effort and togetherness for love to happen. And it did with J. I found love with J. And C starting being very mad at me and saying he wish that I stop hurting myself becoz it hurts him to c me like this. He said he never cared for anyone so much like this before. I told C that I dont want to be caught like this, C keep insisting on being more than a friend. And I say I cant. I cant start something when now I have something unresolved.

I told C I love J too much to let go the things that we have built together. Every little thing count to me. The effort we put in counted for me, the time J spend his time with me in melbourne counted for me, the time me and J stayed together in one house counted for me, the time J started being accepted in my family counted to me. The time J got a car from his dad, counted for me. The time J had problems and we slowly resolve it together, counted for me. The time J started working and learning about the world, counted for me. The time J was always there for me in my studies and with his own little way do things for me like staying up together with me until I finish my assignment, cook maggie for me when I was hungry in melbourne, it all counted for me. The money we both slowly saved, counted dearly to me, The plans we made for the future for the comfort of us, counted very much for me.The little promises J made to me although to the world is no biggie, but to me...it counted for me and I always patiently await for that promises to come someday.I told C that all this little little things counted for me and no one understood this things that me and J had.

J may not be the riches in the world,not the most handsome guy in the world, not the most romantic guy in the world, but what J had with me be it little or small is enuff to knock those criteria off for me. I dont need all of those. No money, always can find. Not handsome, always can modify, Not romantic, always can learn. C then held my hands and softly said to me " J's really important to you huh? Slowly k my dear, it takes time and I hope to J your someone special to him too because I havent hear a girl can utter such words like this before in my life. Girls that I know are materialistic and demanding." I wish those hands were J somehow.

C then asked me, what will you do to change for the better in you for the relationship? The first thing that Ive said while tears are heavily flowing down is..........to change how I speak to J before. I shouldnt have been so harsh just because of love. It is not the way to show love to someone. I wish to change for the better for J and for myself. Love gets the better of me and sometimes out of too caring, i blurted words that I shouldnt have said and things I shouldnt have done. Being in love at 21 n above, its totally different from high school. In high school, one can be naive and to be honest doesnt know what love really means. But now I know.

Love is when you want to see that person everyday even though the routine repeats again and again.
Love is when watever you do for him/her, it was always out of free will.
Love is when you want to change for the better for that person you love.
Love is when you want to learn something new to keep the magic alive.
Love is when you plan things together and earn that hardship together and pull it through together.
Love is when both person would want to be together for better or for worst.

I hope C understand what Im going through. I hope someday I will be able to repay back C kindness. C tells me he care for me too much and will wait for me as long as he can. I keep telling C not to wait because I have things that is not resolve and I wish to wait for J's return. He says Im stupid but I say its out of Love. I believe me and J gone through so much in our relationship. From being apart in different continent, from family, from work n studies, from financial, from cheating, from hurtful arguments and words and from breaking up....I believe god was testing our love for each other and how much we both can stretch that extra mile, so that in the end we know that our love is pure and strong and nothing else in the future can ever bring us down.

I miss J so so much.

-S-

Love sick

2010-02-10T19:55:00.000+11:00

Y is it two person can say so much hurtful words to each other? Is it becoz of love? That they cant do anything but show this sort of love?

For me,
Im so mad and sad that hurtful words keep coming out from my mouth. Yes I am evil and words are damn painful but I dont mean them. I love you so much that it hurts me to the core. Cny is coming and Im sick as ever and I wish he was by my side. I can get so angry and so in love at the same time to a point i think im going nuts.

Dear god please help me.
I cant do this anymore.

-S-

11 missed call

2010-02-08T21:06:00.000+11:00

I woke up feeling shitty today.........
Look at my phone and I saw 11 miss call from C.
I tot wat happen.
Called him and the first thing he said was " RU OK? WHY CALL SO MANY TIMES DIN ANSWER?"
I couldnt help but to laugh abit and then he said " Funny le?......Im worried sick coz U dint pick up"
And I told him I was asleep didnt hear the phone ring ma...somemore so tired after aerobics i terus kong.

Its funny how that someone who is not your bf is so kind and giving to you. And somehow or rather, you wish, if only the other person that you were thinking about was this caring to you and was the one that called you 11 times in a row. Sadly it wasnt. Though I feel nice having someone to care for me like this, I wish it was J that was doing all this.

And then I remembered how J used to care for me when we first dated. I remmeber there was a time he went for bouldering competition and he texted me saying that his hands is so numb the only thing he can do is just to text me. I felt like cloud 9 imediately, knowing that this guy can do that for me.

I feel bad for C at times becoz he's tooo nice and too perfect for me. And I dun think I can give him that amount of love he deserves. If only my heart no longer has J inside than maybe I would give C my all. But for now I cant. Everyday I wish J's by my side. I wish J was here to listen to my stupid complains and about how silly i look like when i go for aerobics. But J doesnt care to know what Im doing at all.

Maybe it's time to move on?

-S-

Wht does it means?

2010-02-07T20:53:00.000+11:00

The look on ur face when I text you, What does it means?
The look on ur face when I ask you to grab me a chair, what does it means?
The stare you give me, what does it means?

Isit annoying? Isit hatred? Isit nonsense?
How come the looks on ur face when you see me now is no longer the same?
How come is full of anger, annoying and pissed off?
Y isnt there anymore smile or miss on tht face anymore?

I miss you so much and being around you is a mixed of sad and happy.
I wish tht my happiness comes back again.....
With you.

I dont want to count anymore days.......how much I count, you will never return back

2010-02-05T04:28:00.000+11:00

There's nothing I could say to you.

Nothing I could ever do,

To make you see,

What you mean to me.

All the pain & tears Ive cried,

Still you never come my side,

And now I know,

How far you go.

I know I let you down, Its not like that now.

This time I'll never let you go.

I will be, All that you want

And get myself together,

To keep you from falling apart & All my life,

I only want to be with you forever and To get you through the day & make everything ok.

I thought that I had everything,

I didnt know what life can bring,

Now I can see honestly,

Your the one thing I got right,

The only one that I let inside my heart,

Now I can breathe, coz ur here with me

I know I let you down, I hope someday I can turn it all around.

And this time I will never let you go.

-S-

Emotions

2010-02-04T18:11:00.002+11:00

Emotions today : LIKE SHIT!

Wish that I never knew you because you left me speechless.

Dearest forever

2010-02-02T04:02:00.000+11:00

I never want to hurt you.
I never want to be parted.
I hope you understand, the level of love that I have for you.
Without you life is meaningless.
Life to me now has no direction and above all without your love, life is nothing to me.

I hope someday you will come back to me.
So that once again we can go on this wonderful journey together as I always promise and tell you since the day we met.
For now, I wish we both take a moment to reflect everything that has happen and is it worth it to think about it for future?

Ive done nothing but love you and thats all tht matters.

-S-

Day 13

2010-01-31T04:12:00.000+11:00

Day 13 : Weather: Fine

Its been almost 2 weeks now since I last told J how I felt. And today we talked again and I told J I gave him time to think about us and is it worth it that we give it another try. I do not know at this stage if J consider of the time Ive given him. At some point he tells me he will think about it and at some point he ask me to move on. Im having such a mixed feeling and I dont know wat to do. I wish he take the time to think about us and about everything else. Why cant we give it another try?

I only left 3weeks here in melbourne and whatever I can do, I will do now even if it will take me another heartbreak once again but I dont care because I love J very much that if he ask me to die for him I will. And thats the extend of my love for him, be it before and even now.

A few days back, i was shopping alone for my cny clothing and tears start to fall again...same time last 2 years we both will go get cny stuff together. I would be the one choosing the colour of his undies for him and we would walk hand in hand buying those things together and choosing clothes for one another. But this year is different, Im walking alone and the silence I have is so pain that it felt like a million knife stab my heart over and over again. As I walked through the men's department, without thinking I went to buy stuff for J. I know its silly and crazy but to me cny is all about new things to usher the new year to have proporous year ahead. And because again of love, I decided to get those things for him so that he will have a new good year ahead. But when I texted him, he say he cannot accept it. My heart fall down and get step on again and I finally convince him to take it.

I havent gave him the things Ive bought, but how come Im so silly? How come with the amount of coldness he treats me yet I still miss him and love him as if none of those words affected me? Is this what I have to endure in love? Sigh....I really do not know at this point. All I can do is do be patient and wait for his answer and do as much as I can before I leave to melbourne where I would be paralyze and do nothing but wait another 4months till I return.

Im afraid to see him even how much my heart and mind wants to see him dearly. Im afraid when I c him, I cant help bt to cry again and wish that he will hug me and tell me those 3 impossible words. I dont think he cares for me anymore, but why do I still wait? For wat? Another heartache? Guess I deserve it. Sigh.

Yet another day without J by myside.

-S-

Day 12

2010-01-30T17:49:00.000+11:00

Day 12 : Weather: Sunny

Bad headache today. I drank heaps yesterday thanks to the bunch of lovely friends but now am suffering....blah!. I hate hangovers. Whenver I get this, I only think about COKE!. It was the first time C joined my friends yesterday and it all went well. But when I sat there, all I could think of is...If only J was here to drink and have fun with me and my friends once again. Ive so much to tell him so much to say and gossip to J....bt J hates me. And then some idiot sang "Always be my baby" and yes no need to guess.....I cried haih.....When will this heartache be over?

I told J tht I will give him time to think about us and if its worth a second chance. I really miss J and thats all Ive been thinking for the past 7months. I think it came to a point my frens dun want to listen me talking about J anymore. Im gonna give J time because I love him so no matter how hard it maybe, i will try my all. Ive made a promise before and as long as I can take this, I will wait for J's return. He doesnt know how much I love him and waited the right time to tell him all this things Ive been keeping for the last 7months. I knew tht I was so far away, J wouldnt listen to me at tht point and Im sure he hated me like hell. Thats why i choose to come back to kl and find the right time to tell him. I hope he thinks about it. I know its not easy to get him back this time and the chances are very very thin. But I will try my all as long as I can and I hope it can be given a second chance.

Yet another sad day has passed by without J by myside.

-S-

Day 11

2010-01-29T04:26:00.000+11:00

Day 11: Weather: Sunny & Rain

Tday after so long Ive got to talk to J for half an hour or so. Really makes me miss him even more. We spoke on a couple of things but one things for sure that made me upset was. J thinks that if we get back together this time, he would still be him. And no that didnt upset me, what upset me was he thinks that I fall for him because of something else. Doesnt he knows that I loved him for him? For how simple his attitude, lifestyle and life is? The day I met J, I know he's someone tht is simple and no doubt with my constant complain, I did try to do the things he liked. But I guess J never sees that. He thinks Im full of colour and want him tht way too but he doesnt know is that I would rather do the things together at home than going out. Maybe after so long he doesnt know me that well.

And another thing he said was tht how come now only I wanna go his house bt when we were together I didnt wanna go. Still he doesnt know is tht if I go over his place he has to drive me home after tht and its not safe for me to drive myself home after midnight. So instead of making him driving me home, might aswell come over my place and stay over. Doesnt he knows I was being considerate of his tiredness and knowing he has to go to work the next day? If I could stay over at his place, i think many of you will know that I would stay over at his place. Sigh.

Right now, whatever I say or do, I dont think he will ever know because he has stopped loving me. And why foolishly Im still doing stuff? You see, when you love someone soo deep, it doesnt matter that person hates you or disgust by you, you would still in your little own ways do things for them as long as you can no doubt it hurts like hell that person doesnt care.

I was so sad today than i drove and stopped near the side of the road and started crying. Then my phone rang and I tot it was J but when I took the phone I saw it was C. Imediately C knew I was crying and told me to drive home and he'll wait for me. So I drove home and 5mins after dat C came. I told C not to come coz he was busy preparing for his project proposal tmw morning but he insist of coming. He then came and ask me to wipe my tears and touch up my make up and ask me to get in the car. I hesitate for 15mins and finally I said ok.

In the car I asked him where is he taking me, He said he's taking me somewhere where I can throw all my heartache away. After much winding up the hill, I saw this hill that has a restaurant on top of it. Came down from the car and he took me below the restaurant. The scenery was breath taking and it blew me away. So I sat there and C told me to tell him wat happen. When I look at the scenery of KL, my heart aches for J and wishing that J would be beside me to c this. Than I got interupted by C voice.....and then slowly I told him bits and pieces of what me and J talked about and again started crying. He told me that all I need is time and he hope that J would realise how beautiful I am to him than I laughed and said 'if J thinks im beautiful that would be the day I would be married to J".

C is a real nice guy and why am I not falling for him? He has everything Ive been looking for but how come I still miss and love J so much? C says that he can tell that I really love J alot and that usually after few months people would move on but how come I cant? He also says that whatever I do, all I can think about was....How J is? Is he ok? Hows his work? Is he ok? And then C say that he would give up everything to be in J's shoe right now....and I say....maybe once u know me and see that im whinny and protective than u wouldnt want to be in his shoes. C laughed. But all I could think about was J. Its been 4months since I knew C and yet of many things he had done for me to show that he cares....all I ever think about was J and wishing and hoping J would come back to me.

J say that if there is faith, then faith will lead us back together someday. And for me yes faith does come but if you do not know how to catch it, it will fade. Like when I first talked to J was when I send a smiley message to him on friendster and he replied. It shows faith is always around us, bt if we dont initiate to do anything about it, it doesnt matter a million faith comes along, it will never happen.

I wish I could spend another valentines with J. When I think about it, it hurts because I know J would be spending it with someone else instead of me.
Yet another day without J by my side.

-S-

Day 10

2010-01-28T16:34:00.000+11:00

Day 10: Weather : Sunny

Today woke up feeling abit of a mix feeling today. Good thing is J starting to text back my messages. I wonder if it is a good small baby step. Or Im just lebih perasan. I wonder if J still reads my blog? If he does than I shud be damn MALU la...coz i write possibly everything in this blog. I should have a personal journal now. But I dont think he does anymore....so dun care la.

C took me out yesterday. Was abit down but he managed to cheer me up. But to be honest, nothing cheers me up more when J text me. Its like Im living on cloud 9 for awhile. I shouldnt be so overly joyed like this...Sam stop it!

Anyways I hurted my ankle while doing aerobics today but luckily still can walk. If not sure habis...bt now cannot wear heels for sure. Owh and btw Ive started on this salad and no rice diet and ive drop 2kg. So far....now im starting aerobics...hopefully I will lose more for CNY.

Gonna go for happy hour tonite with my gals in pavillion. Hopefully it would buy me some time to not think about J. I sincerely miss him dearly.

Today is yet another day without J beside me.....Sigh

-S-

Day 9

2010-01-27T17:15:00.000+11:00

Day 9: Weather: Fine with a bit gloomy.

I have come to a point I have no reason to call J anymore. Each time I call or text him, its either a " Sure thanks" or " Dont worry about me" but nothing on his side to care for me anymore. Each morning I wake up the first thing I do is I think about him and what to text him and dont expect anything in return. Each time when the clock strike 1pm, I know he's having his lunch. And then the hardest part of all is when the clock hits 530pm. Those were the times that he would call me and we would discuss what we will do that evening. Either he'll come and fetch me and we go his place or he would come to mine and stay over the night. Those 6months without him was the hardest I have to go through even now. Evry single day when the clock hits 530pm, my heart ache all over again and I always hope that bloody phone will ring but it has stopped ringing for 6months now.

I miss J so much it hurts every time. I wonder if J ever think about me? But to my guessing, I guess not.

-S-

Day 8

2010-01-25T22:21:00.000+11:00

Day 8 : Weather: Gloomy

My heart still ache. C bought me ice cream today during his lunch hour just because I said I woke up crying today. Thank him alot but I wish it was J who did tht for me. I know its impossible now for J to do such a thing.

Time right now pass by like some bloody funeral time, and its killing me like hell. Another part of me is dying inside. 6months ago a part of me died and now slowly another part of me dying aswell. Words cant express the lvl of emotions I feel. J said Im confused and I dunno what I want. I know what I want, it has always been J. I thought back of the countless of arguments we went through, the guys that came along the way and tried to kao me, all also I rejected and it has always been J all along. I couldnt imagine anyone else aside from J be it before and even now. If only J realise how much he meant to me and Im not confused. Maybe someday when he understands we can start again anew.

Dearest C,

I hope you understand what am I going through. I dont want to hurt you and you are a really great guy who deserve so much more then this. I know you have started to read my blog and no dont say you never, caught you once on ur BB. Its been almost 4 months now since we've met and you have been a wonderful guy to me and I know you choose to wait for me until Im ready but I dont think I ever will. Im still hoping tht there is hope between me n J. I know you understand what im going through but I dont want to hurt you. Along the way if someone appear in your life, go for it C. You deserve much better than having to wait for me to heal. Its been 6months now and I still havent heal. Usually it takes me 2-3 months and Im done and over with but somehow this particular heartache that Im going through is different. The lvl of hopes and dreams and sacrifies that Ive made in that relationship was big and large at every scale. I thought J was my soul mate. So I do hope you dont wait for me. Its been 2 months since you told me about your feeling and you dont care how long it takes, you'll wait. I apreciate that C. But I do hope if you have happiness please grab it and dont wait for me.

-S-

Day 7

2010-01-25T06:18:00.000+11:00

Day 7 : Weather : Fine

Today would be the last day Ive spoken to J. J finally listen to the things I wish to tell him and there was alot of things that I told J that never in my life I wish for him to know. The reason y I didnt want to tell him was because I didnt want him to feel guilty nor feel that he feel bad. But today I told him was because I want him to know that I sincerely love him with all my heart and soul and nothing more.

Part of me felt like the shittest person on earth because Ive done something in the past to make our relationship work. But its worth it after all. Never a day pass by that I felt it was worthless. It worth so much that I never regret for doing so. Because when I love someone, I will selfishly do the things just so my other half would be happy.

I really miss J. Today when talking to him, just hearing his voice breaks my heart even though he was scolding at me, bt I miss him and just to listen to his voice is enough. With J, I finally understood the meaning of love and most importantly the meaning of Sacrifies. Is when you love someone so god damn much, even the sacrifies is big also, to you its worth it. Its better than winning a lottery or buying a chanel bag or getting good grades or scoring a deal in a job. Ive learn this thing called Sacrifies and with J, it worth every single minute of the day. If you ask me would I do it all over again for J, YES I would. I would climb the tallest mountain for him if i have to in order to get his love back.

Right now, I thanked him for this and I will always love him. In the future if there is a chance, i hope we both will treasure it and make it work, but if it doesnt, all i wish is happiness for him and hope that whoever that loves him can give him the things that I couldnt give enough for him.

No matter how far one would go, I always believe that love will bring us back together. Because I believe in Love and when both person love each other so much, in the end they would be back again together someday.

-S-

Day 6

2010-01-24T22:58:00.000+11:00

Day 6: Weather: Fine

Went out with Grace and other of my frens yesterday. After so much talking and stuff I realise that I couldnt believe alot of things that Ive heard. Some were predictable and some really was unexpectable for me.

I know J doesnt love me anymore. In fact I think he has stop loving me a year ago even before we broken up. I hope someday J knows that those mean and hurtful words Ive said was just out of anger and sadness sum up all together. Hey people do mistake sometimes. J thinks that Im doing all this to get him back, but all I want is just a new destiny for us. Time and time again J say there is no longer US. And it hurts me every single time. J's mean to me now but still I miss him so god damn much. So much that people think Im crazy. How come J stopped loving me? Was it my fault before that I wasnt that patient enuff for him? I strangle him? At times I think Ive done 50% good as a girlfriend and many times I didnt think Ive done my part. It doesnt matter anymore.

I can love him and give him my all like Ive promised him 3 years ago when we started but I think today J has forgotten those promises Ive made to him. Ive made a promise to love him, to accept him for who is he, to walk this difficult journey through together, to not cheat on him, to please him, to be patient with him, to adore him and to sincerely with all my heart give what I could give. None of that matters now.

God please help me to move on. It is not worth it anymore. Let me go of this pain that Ive been going through this 7 months. He doesnt care anymore.

-S-

Day 5

2010-01-23T20:50:00.000+11:00

Day 5: Weather: Gloomy.

Its been almost 2weeks now since Ive told J the things Ive been keeping inside. How come it felt like 2 years waiting for an answer? Or is it actually the answer is in my face but i choose not to see it? Ive spoke to J's friend today and well friends will always be friends. They will always hope for the best for their friends and wish that me and J get back together. Because of that I dont know what happen among them, J texted me. J say I disreggared his feelings. I dint meant it that way whatsoever. How come J cant see that?

Why does J not miss me? Does my presence and whatever I do makes him hate me? Maybe so......
Its okay...slowly I will move on and when my heart is stacked up with solid rocks. Because no matter what I do, J doesnt see it and apreciate it. Instead he thinks its all a lie and playing with his feeling. I never have those intention at all.

-S-

Day 4

2010-01-23T06:00:00.000+11:00

Day4: Weather : Fine but gloomy.

Woke up feeling shitty. Thinking if I should give J a call. And stupidly I did. Still J acted cold. Called him few times today also cold. When will this end? I know J thinks Im being selfish, but I hope he doesnt think of me that way.

C called me today and I tot it was J....again dissapointment. How come there is a guy so nice and sweet as C and yet I still miss J? Sigh....I think Im crazy. I miss J so so much. I wonder if he misses me?

Went to my frens make up academy today. Gonna start learning soon just so I could get my mind of J. I cant be doing this every single time. I cant be missing him. It has pass 6months already, how come I cant let go? How come J can but I cant? Do love really get the better of me? J said Im selfish because after 6months only I come telling him all this and J thinks that because Im so free and lonely only I come back to him. Honestly it hurted me that J think of me this way. Doesnt he knows that throughout that period I miss him dearly? Everyone can see it how come not him? Sigh.......

Was at station one earlier, and suddenly Landy Wen song Sha gua 傻瓜 kept playing. Tears start to fall from my eyes and thinking Im really am Sha gua. Nothing fits me better now than that song. Seriously.

Im gonna stop all of this from tmw onwards. Its really not worth it at all.

傻瓜我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤
傻瓜我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜 !

Fool, we're all the same
Let love hurt us again and again
Believe that this 'he' is not the same
But we got hurt and yet again
Fool, we're all the same
We're hurt but not giving up
Believe that all we gave will come back
But giving is just a word, fool

-S-

Valentine 09

2010-01-22T05:24:00.000+11:00

Memories which I wish that I could hold onto forever.

But now your gone, and whats left is nothing but emptiness and heartache.

I wish you come back to me and give it another chance.

I wish you could say those 3 words to me again

I wish I could feel your hugs and kisses all over again.

I wish I could feel your warmth when your lying next to me in bed.

I wish for you to call me darling or laopoh once again.

I really wish everything would come back to me.

I dun wanna cry anymore.

-S-

Day 3 Updated

2010-01-22T04:14:00.000+11:00

Day 3: Weather : Rainy and cloudy

Went to eat bah kut teh today and the weather started off hot and humid. Was suprise that you replied my message. I never expected it. After finding zha bo went to pavillion for movie today.

At the cinema I was with someone but somehow it felt wrong and empty. I remember the first time we watched movie together. The movie was 007 and it was so funny because you were laughing your ass off while holding the almost tilted popcorn. And I couldnt help bt to adore those cute little gestures you made. All this memories brings me to tears once again and all I could only do was to just sulk it all in. Tht someone asked me if I was ok today and I said Im fine and tears rolled down my eyes. Each time I step into the cinema even after 3 years, I always smile remembering our 1st time at the movies but today is different. Instead of smile, it felt like knife poking through my heart and stabbing it as if it has never been stabbed before. I felt bad for the guy who brought me to movie today. But Im sorry, all I can ever think about is J. I hope he understands what Im going through.

After I got home, a message was delivered to my phone and I tot it was J but it turns out it was the guy(C). Sadly I texted back and then went to shower. Sigh.........

Called J today and again J were cold towards me. J why you always ended up talking to me not more than 5minutes and always hesitate to talk to me furthur nor to ask how am i or have i eaten etc. Does my calls and messages annoy you? Do you hate talking to me? Does my presence annoys you? Its okay.

Why dont you have your lunch even if you are busy? Im so worried about you. But I guess you worry nothing about me. Still is okay.

Anyways didnt see J online. Most probably J already started blocking me on msn and everything else. And maybe bit by bit start to erase me away. Well if it is that way than I guess there is no hope anymore. But somehow silly of me to keep hoping that we could give it a try one last time.

I only can wish hope and pray for good things to come. My heart breaks each time J's friends mention how J were doing when I was away. And it breaks my heart everytime knowing that I could have been there to hug him and tell him that I still love him very much and that everything Ive said was a big huge mistake.

People have done mistakes. But how come Im not worth to be given a second chance? Cant I do mistakes? Must I always be perfect?

Yet another day passes by without him by my side.

-S-

BKT

2010-01-21T13:34:00.000+11:00

Am going for Bah kut teh soon!.
Dang, I just started my diet and now its gonna be flush down d drain soon haha.
I'll just eat salad later for dinner then.

Owh and......lately there is someone being ubber nice to me. I wonder why?

Update later!

xoxo,

-S-

Day 3

2010-01-21T04:31:00.000+11:00

Day 3: Weather: Alrite. Quiet midnight.

As I lie awake and watch the clouds move through the big bright moon.
All I can ever think about is you.
I remember this very night, you were always beside me sleeping soundly like a baby.
And often you would have shorten of breath and it feels like you were suffocating with a pig sound,
And always I would hold your chest and called out your named and then you'll stop suffocating and continue to sleep. After that I would lower the air condition in my room and move the air con lid over to my side so that you could breath better and then place the blanket over for you.

I know things take time to let go. But I wish it doesnt have to go....
I miss you kissing me each time before you head to work and each time you come back from work.

Tonight will be different. Tonight instead of watching the clouds go pass the moon with your snoring sound, Im watching it with silence and emptiness.

-S-

Day 2 Update

2010-01-20T23:42:00.000+11:00

Day 2 : Weather: Raining and cloudy

Bought Famous Amos cookies for you today. Why didnt you tell me before you were taking care of your sugar level? At least if i knew than your message to me today didnt felt so mean. Went to see you today and again it felt different. I hope someday you will share your problems to me and we can go through it together again. I wish to be the one that hears all your problem, not the one that causing more problem to you.

I miss you

-S-

Day 2

2010-01-20T16:31:00.000+11:00

Day 2 : Weather : Raining and gloomy

I was cleaning my laptop today and i found a file. And when I open it. All our memories are inside there. And Ive stumbled into this picture. I miss --- so much... Message you today but I guess you were busy. Its okay. I understand.

-S-

Day 1

2010-01-20T04:15:00.000+11:00

Dear Blog,

Day 1 : Weather : Fine but humid

Its the 2nd time after so long we've met and sat down and have a drink as friends.

It feels weird but Im hanging in there. Usually when we go to pavillion, after everything we would go back together. But today seems different. After you left, it felt like apart of me left too. Its difficult to be starting out as friends but I will try. Not because of my own intentions, but because I love you so though your not willing to give me another try, I myself will give myself a try to learn to know you once again as friends. After we coupled, alot of things were done selfishly and didnt get to know you even deeper. So by us starting out as friends again, I hope it gives me more time to get to know you better once again.

I hope you feel the same way too. And I hope we really take time to each learn to know each other and value one another. In the future if we were meant to be, i guess no matter where the universe take us. We will be back again as one. Our love was unique and one of a kind and I wish many good things for us.

Take this as a new journey that we have to go through.

-S-

I wish you well

2010-01-19T05:20:00.000+11:00

Upon talking to you today

Its clear to me that you want nothing on me.

If you have someone else why did you not tell me.

You rather hung up on me when your other half calls you.

Isnt it obvious?

Y cant you just say..Yes I have someone, I fancy someone, I am kaoing someone.

Than I wouldnt think of anything else or even think a second chance lor.

You dont wish to say harsh words to me.

But please be cruel to me because in you there is no longer love in me.

So might aswell be cruel.

I dont need you to be kind to me.

Fine, now you want to avoid me.

Its okay.

You despise me,

Its okay.

You only want to be my friends.

Its okay.

You no longer have feelings for me.

Its okay.

You no longer miss me.

Its okay.

You feel proud than now im beggin you back.

Its okay.

I only wish you happiness from now on. And im so proud of what you've become. Someone with a career. Im so happy that you have a good job and a good life. Unfortunately I am not able to share this happiness with you. I wish I had this chance to share this wonderful journey that you are going through, that we once slowly and bit by bit together we held our hands and go through this together and built it when it was nothing.When your stress at work and have problems at work, I wish to stood by you once again and be that person who nags and tell you how much I am proud of you when everything seems shitty. But unfortunately now I cant share those with you.

Dont tell me someday in the future we might be back. There is no such thing. If there is still love in you, you wouldnt let a single chance go. Instead you would try to be friends with me and care for me once again. But now your not. Its to bad that we have to be this way. I wish that I could get a second chance but its okay. Soon I'll pick up myself.

Thank you for once sharing a part of my journey and I wish you well and happiness.

I love you always and forever.

-S-

Dearest

2010-01-18T06:24:00.000+11:00

I know you forgotten our 1st valentines day

And yet Ive forgive you

I know youve cheated on me with another girl

And yet Ive forgive you

I know you hurt me in some ways that i fail to see.

And yet in so many ways I still forgave you.

But how come you cant forgive me?

How come you cant give me a chance?

How come you left me?

But most of all you hurted me when you say,

You've moved on.

Despite of everything you did or never did, Despite of many negative comments from people and families, Despite of nobody wanted to see us together. It doesnt matter because I have you and I love you so much that I'll lose everything if I lose you. And I know you know that. I would give the world for you if I have to.

But after a silly choice Ive made and said, nothing can change your mind on us. Sometimes I feel like the dummest girl on earth. How can you cheat on me and hold another person hands and still i forgave you and be with you and try to let go. But just because of one silly thing i did and to top it off i didnt hold or kiss or do anything with that person. I still wouldnt be given a chance from you.

Love can be so strong to someone that no matter how much the other try to hurt and kill you, you still stood by and hope for the best and FORGIVE. And thats what I did before for the past 3 years. I stood by you when you had nothing, I stood by you when my family objected you, I stood by you when nothing seems to be in your way, I stood by you and stayed strong when you started your career. I stood by you when you didnt do your best and despite everything I stood by you becoz I love you.

Despite everything you did be it bad or good, intentionally or unintentionally, I still adore you. I love you. But I guess you never see those along the way.

All I want was just a chance to start all over again being friends and see how things go. But you dont even want that. All I ask is for a chance and I have never asked anything like that before from you. If you still love me, I hope you do give me a chance. If you dont than its alrite, you dont have to give me another chance.

Because I do believe that love ought to get a second chance only we know how to apreciate the other half more.

-S-

Macau oh Macau

2010-01-16T22:25:00.000+11:00

Ive always wanted to come either to Macau or Hong Kong.Finally Im in Macau now and....instead of having fun and taking a ride to hong kong, sayangsam is stranded in the hotel. SICK!

Yes you heard it. Im having fever vomit and purging. To top it off Im having my period too....so its all in one combo sick. Let me tell you something, for one...i cannot eat abalone and all those 7 8 course chinese food. Or else, there you go...i get this all in one food poisoning.As im typing this to you, i feel like puking too...ahhh...so yes...those who wanna date me dont ever take me to chinese dining. I will DIE.

So anyways, im staying at the most grand hotel in Macau which is Venetian and as im typing im overlooking at crown casino and hard rock hotel. The view here is amazing, more like a chinese version of Las vegas. No doubt its beautiful and the lights that lit up on every hotel are amazingly romantic. Someday when i have the money, Macau would be on of the location i would shoot my wedding picture.

Upon arriving here the weather reminds me of melbourne, windy and cold. Food wise....is ok.

Suckiest part of all is tht my aunt gave me macau dollar 10k to spend and i spend nothing on it becoz im sick and stranded in the hotel room now. The only thing ive bought is fake eyelashes, that also my uncle insists on paying. Otherwise was suppose to shop wif my cousins today and hang out more with them becoz i dont get to see them much on a normal basic. She's going to melbourne too this month for study, so hope that we will get to do some catching up more there.

Other than that i will try to upload pictures when im back in kl.

Signing off.

-S-

why?

2010-01-16T16:55:00.000+11:00

How come you changed like this?

Its not 6years, its only 6 months.

How can you move on ever so quickly?

You treat me invisible

I do not know how to face you.

No doubt i still love and miss you

Whats the point?

Clearly you love your life like this now without me.

Your more happier arent you?

I wish this all would go away.

-S-

-----

2010-01-12T17:29:00.000+11:00

Yesterday I came home feeling shittier as ever.

I went into the store room to grab a bag.

A bag that I knew and familiar with. A bag that I knew everytime i picked it up, its time for me to move on.

Then I went into my room, where suddenly a flash of you sleeping on my bed and i see myself on the computer. And then tears starts to fall like rain.

As i unfold the bag, i cant help to think tht this is all over now.

No doubt it was 6months ago, but i never did stop and move on.

I open my closet and there it was lying there are your clothes. One that Im familiar with is the one you always slept in it. And then i start to miss the many times you stayed over and we hug each other to sleep. Again my tears start to fall. The smell of it, reminds me of you, the softness of the shirt reminds me of your touch.

And then as I put your clothes in the bag, I wish that I didnt have to do that.

Bt i have too.

And then, there was the bears you gave me.

As I picked them up, I remmeber the promise you gave to me.

One bear for every ocassion we celebrated until Ive got all the collections of them.

And then as I open another closet, there it was, the dress that you bought for me to attend your best friend wedding.

That dress that I wore again on our last anniversary.

As I slowly fold the dress and placed it into the bag,

I couldnt help bt to cry even more and seeing tht it would be my last seeing the dress

And when I think about it, I knew this would be the last seeing you too.

While I was packing all those, I played our song repeatedly on the lappie.

I could remember the very first time we hear tht song together and we were dancing to it.

And I could remmeber the many times this song had played.

When the song played, it was you calling me.

And I remmeber the first word to every phone call you made was " Darling, what you doing?" or " Darling, cippy ah? cute cute ah?"

It was a sentence I wouldnt get to hear again.

And then I saw the box of earing that you gave me. One that you always will get for me until i have all of that collection.

I then saw the ring we both had.

As I run to my fingers, i turn around it and saw your name engraved in it.

As I put all of those inside the bag.

I am missing you horribly.

I wish to have it all back.

And then as I close the bag, I knew its time once again to move on.

To built a solid concrete wall to protect my heart.

And never again give my all to anyone/

My love for you is real and forever will be,

If only you see that.

-S-

--

2010-01-12T17:08:00.000+11:00

Y did we parted?

Y did we choose dark side instead of happiness?

Were we really unhappy with each other?

You never asked me why did I choose to cut it off?

You never bother to think why or even iniciate it.

Maybe you want it out too?

Becoz I remmeber before this, you told me you want us to break off

Y? Was it not good enuff for you?

Till today I still do not know why you utter such words to me.

N till today I still think, what if i have agree to you?

What if I say yes?

Then what will happen?

I wish that i knew everytime what is going on inside your head.

-S-

Why?

2010-01-12T17:02:00.000+11:00

For a start....

I hate Malaysia

Coming back home, makes me think of alot of things which i dont want to remember

See people tht I have no choice to see n then hurt myself

I guess forever i will be the only loving bt not loved.

-S-

I will be

2010-01-11T14:31:00.000+11:00

Of course you have move on

Of course you found someone else.

I wish for nothing but happiness for you

I hope this someone will love you and cherish you

I hope they bring you joy and light into ur life as I think I didnt do a good job at it.

-S-

Moving mountain

2010-01-11T04:14:00.000+11:00

After 3 years being with you,

Yet you could forget Us just like tht.

After all this time, cant you see tht I still miss you and needed u?

Cant you tell by my jealousy and constant talking to u on msn?

Didnt it show enuff obvious?

And after all,

confidentantly you said to me youve moved on.

Hearing those words makes me realise

How stupid I am to have loved u and thinking there was a second chance.

I guess now its my turn.

-S-

2010

2010-01-03T16:59:00.002+11:00

HAPPY 2010 READERS~

Sorry for the late wishes.

Will start blogging again next month. Busy month ahead now.

Till then watch out this space because the bitch will be back!

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

Xmas wishes

2009-12-24T20:12:00.002+11:00

Santa can you hear me?

I have been so good this year,

And all I want is One thing,

Tell me my true love is here,

He's all I want just for me,

Underneath the xmas tree.

I'll be waiting here,

Santa thats my only wish this year.

MERRY XMAS TO ALL MY READER & A HAPPY NEW YEAR

May this year will be blessed with peace, joy and love around the world

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

HAPPY TONG YUAN DAY!!

2009-12-23T03:37:00.000+11:00

DEAREST READERS,

HAPPY TONG YUAN DAY

So sorry I havent been updating you on KL90. I guess I shall have to scrap that shit and do something else.

I havent had the bloody time to take any pictures yet alone any sleep.

And of course I look back at my blog, thinking WAT THE HELL...

Even the people dont read my blog anymore.

Time for a new intervention of this blog haha....

XOXO,

Day 5 - 12

2009-12-13T05:51:00.000+11:00

Now back to Project KL 90.

Day 5, 6,7
As usual the gang went for steamboat at taman majalarah at kepong. Our favourite hang out steam boat place. haha

Before the rest came, myself and May yee took a snap

To be honest I didnt had the time to took day 6 and 7 but all i can tell you is that we came to this shop twice the time in that week namely becoz I love it there haha....

Saturday we all ended up at genting around 4am haha....was suppose to club bt it was too crowded and some din manage to make it. So it was up at genting for yumcha haha...

Day 8

It was May yee's Pai ka chong day where buy its a chinese tradition where there is a time of the day that has been said and we have to utilize that time given to clean the bride and bridegroom's new room. Place all new stuff in the room and those married chinese word stickers all over the room for luck and prosprous and love and something like tht la. So we have exactly 2 hours to do everything done and we need to finish it before the times up. So I was in charge of decorating her make up table nyhahaha...

The bride and bridegroom's bed

The make up table ( sweet hor the roses all)

Decorations

The front door of the room

May yee's little helper of the day

We are the one that decorated her room hehe

Bestfriends & Bride

Actually hor, I dont want to cheat my days la k...I havent took much pictures for the other days as I have been damn freaking busy helping my fren for her wedding day and help her to prepare certain stuff because if not...she will die la..so many things todo....So sorry ya bt I promise after this I will religiously post my days with a picture of the day.

Day 12

Pre wedding dinner at May yee's house. That day also we Jimuiz aka bridesmaid meet up to prepare the games for the heng tai aka groom's maid the following day. If you all do not know, it is a tradition in chinese that we play games before the groom picks up the bride. So here is a snap of one of the games that we have to play on them. This game was suppose to guess which one of the lips of the cartoon character that belongs to the bride.

Thats all Im covering till day 12. Will cover the rest on the later post as there is tooo much pictures. Haha...

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

Random dandom_1

2009-12-08T06:31:00.000+11:00

First all of.....Project KL 90 have to be postponed till this friday and will update the previous days there in after because im SUPER busy with things lately...on my frens wedding, outing, visiting, getting the dress and stuff and by the time i come home each day....Its already 2am plus or more and I only get to sit abit for facebook or do my puzzle and then go to sleep...And the next day it repeats....so technically I dont have the time to update...haih damn sad....

But I will deff update everyone of you...I promise....

xoxo,

Random dandom

2009-12-03T16:12:00.001+11:00

Out of random.

I suddenly feel like getting a digital SLR.

Haha....maybe cause Ive been seeing so much of nice pictures my fren took and sorta tempted to try it to.

But first gonna finish my make up course which im gonna take very soon and then only consider of a SLR.

Haha....

-S-

Day 4

2009-12-02T04:12:00.002+11:00

KL Day 4

No picture today.

Only thing that it was gloomy and it was pouring rain.

And when that happens, i feel the pain all over again.

The pain that I left with so much regret for not saying the truth.

The pain that causes us to be what we are now, 2 different strangers

The pain that causes me to tremble, to shed tears every single time when I miss him.

So there you have it.

Pouring rain and gloomy days always makes me sad and lonely and it constantly remind me of the time where we both parted our seperate ways.
Because that day itself was pouring rain too. So whenever that happens, I feel all those emptiness once again

I wish you come back

I miss your hug, your warm hands, your kisses.

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

Day 3

2009-12-01T04:37:00.000+11:00

KL Day 3

Where can you get Prosperity Burger if its not in KL!!!!!

The moment I saw the banner when I got home, I swore I have to eat them

So today went out with A and we had PROSPERITY BURGERRR....

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee...........

Did nothing much today.

Was kinda boring. After dinner we went yumcha at Feeling and played pool for abit.

Was abit dissapointed today. I wished I could see him but ironically, my guessing was correct.

Maybe he wants to avoid me, i dunno but somehow i wished he told me.

How come what ever i predicted in him nowadays, its always correct?

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

Day 2

2009-11-29T18:52:00.000+11:00

KL Day 2

Babe n myself went shopping and did our nails haha...

Cost us rm300 bucks for this bloody nails...But we love them so much it was worth it haha

Left: T's nails and Mine

My chio nails haha

T's chio nails

Bought few good stuff at Empro. Not bad you know. I was amazed by the make up product. From now on I swear on their mascara!

After that we went to makan porridge steam boat with ma parents and off we went to party and we went yumcha at genting for yumcha. It was damn sudden...all i said was lets go yumcha at genting and off Alex drove the car and before we all knew it, we reached there and it was freaking cold and we didnt had any sweater on...haha But it was fun I must admit, totally random...Though I wish someone was there with us too.

By the way here is one song I wish that someone would hear

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

Project KL 90

2009-11-28T05:50:00.000+11:00

My kesayangang and close to my heart

The bitch is finally back from melbourne!

Here's a start of Project KL 90.

Kuala Lumpur, Day 1

Spotted : Roaming around KLIA airport arrival hall @ 8am

Got stuck about almost an hour there because some idiot old uncle mistoke our lugage for his! Bloody hell...somemore he wrote his name and address and telephone number on his lugage and conviniently he can go take my bag. Damn clever right. So waited for the idiot to U TURN back to the arrival hall and take his lugage and give back our lugage. Was kinda exited to be home as I have something planned out for today.

Got home around 1030am and saw my lovely grandpa there to greet us. Apparently Grandma is still at Macau and wont be back till eve of xmas. I think Im gonna fly there to see her if KL has nothing much in store for me. So got home, bath and then straight went for a nap. Woke up, got ready and went to my god parents house. Because it was Haji, auntie ju decided to hire a camera man to snap family pictures. So above is one of the many snaps we all took. Those are my lovely families that I adore most and is very dear to my heart. Auntie ju cooked her specialities and boy did i ate like a cow. I miss her food so so much and didnt get to eat it on raya this year. But thankfully. I GOT IT!

After that T picked me up and we went back to her house to get ready for dinner that has been planned out months ago. Hehe...I really love T & Katak for all the lovely things they do for me. I came back this time around to suprise someone. Someone that I missed the most, someone that I loved the most, someone that I wish I could see everyday.

We planned to go and see him and POP I appear in front of him. But it backlash abit when Katak called him and he sorta figure out that I was back not to mention damn Bryan post on his bloody FB wall that he was back. Arghhh the irony. Ive planned this for months and in the end.....Was it all worth it?

I dunno. He doesnt seems to care nor seems to be affected much by the fact that I was home in kl next to him. Instead he sorta have this distance with me and it makes me feel all shitty and thinking that I shouldnt have done so. Maybe it was just be, I dunno....We'll just have to wait and see. But move on to the happier side, we went to ate at this now famous sushi restaurant.

Its located at The Gardens, Sushi Zanmai

Not bad, Lucky for us T made reservations so we didnt have to queue with the rest of the people who stood there for more than an hour just to get the table. I dunno why bt its just okay only nuffin to shout about. The sushi was small though, tiny sushi I called it. But other than that its nice. No complains about it.

End of Day 1

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

The Climb & Guitar Hero

2009-11-25T00:18:00.000+11:00

I was trying on my brother's Guitar Hero Mic....

So I was like wat the heck...lets record haha and see how it looks like....kakakaka....

For the fun of it as I was waiting for my parents to get ready to go out today.

Push down the volume than listen k hahahaha...

Im open for any feedbacks good or bad I dont care....haha

It was just something random I thought of putting in my blog just for laughs.

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

No me Ames

2009-11-24T16:45:00.000+11:00

Dont believe me when I say I dont love you.

This song means so much to me

If only you understand how great our love is

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

Me against the music

2009-11-24T00:15:00.001+11:00

Just thought of sharing with you a clip of Britney's Concert :)

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

Project??

2009-11-23T18:37:00.000+11:00

Somehow I woke up today feeling rather jumpy and then I thought......

I should do some sort of project that I can blog about.......But what should I do? haha....Aside from KL 90.....what else is there that im good about blog it?

Any ideas???

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

When it all ends....

2009-11-23T02:31:00.000+11:00

Just a recap of this whole 2 months before I start blogging about the new month of December.

A snap of my design class for this semester

Nice onot? Its a puzzle colaboration of all our 5 group of our urban design for Port Melbourne. This semester has been the most fun design class Ive been. Maybe because I got good frens who share tears, joy, arguments and most of all Laughter. Thank you, Mak, Rachael and Nick for having you guys as my best buddies for this semester design class. And also having such a wonderful down to earth tutor that not only taught us new stuff but also being very considerate on a student level. I had fun this semester because of you guys. Thank you.

Next is......Derrick fail attempt of Roast beef. Haha...I knew it was his first time bt still i gave him benefit of the doubt that it wasnt his first. Dim chi....at last he told me " Sam, actually its my first time lor" WAHAHAHAHAHAH....I burst out laughing....But it wasnt that bad la...for the first time nyahahaha....

Left to right : R, S and D

Peng Soon and Bryan trying out games on Ps computer haha...so cute

In totally all of us spend 2 weeks at Zi yang's house. We had fun and arguments too but mostly, its fun! Thank you Zi yang for being a nice host and letting us mess up ur house and became our next Ten Ren place hehe...

After all that drama and jazz for finishing up our design panels, I finally got a chance to shop with mum. So I took her to Alannah Hill Factory Sales. Din bought much just scarfs and bunch of clips and so on...

Britney Spears concert ticket..Again She blow my heart away

Im addicted to chocolates!!

Got 3 flavor lor this feraro rouche...I dunno if the spelling correct onot...haha paiseh paiseh!

Its damn nice...I finish it in 2 days haha....And another choc was the Magical elves of cadbury chocolate..It only sells during the christmas period and sekali gus I sapu 3 packets haha...Its damn nice...It has this pop pop sweet thing inside and when u eat you can hear the chocolate pops when it melts in your tongue haha.

And....the sad part comes....

Im sending Melody to Auntie Lynn place for sometimes because Im going back soon. Not sure when but soon. But I need to send her earlier so that she gets used to the place there. I hope the doggies dont bully my dear old Melody. So sad you know....it feels like Im sending my own baby away....WHICH IS THE SAME...SHE IS MY BABY...Sobs la...!Haih...as im packing her things she is sitting next to me...I feel so sedih...I dun wanna cry bt my heart is crying...Haih.....

My naughty Melody

Thats the whole recap of 2 months of hectic nonsense productive month Ive had.

YouknowYouloveMe,

-S-

Quicksand

2009-11-22T14:45:00.000+11:00

My Latest song on itunes is :

Britney Spears @ Quicksand

The lyrics is damn meaningful for me and for that someone. Ive shorten some of it though

Don't ask, me why
I just can't say goodbye
No, not tonight
No, I just can't say it

'Cause I'm gonna hold on

Baby, gotta keep holding on to what we had
'Cause I don't wanna move on, so I gotta hold on

Baby, because you and me are sinking like quicksand

You came along, I didn't know of love
But now I know that sometimes it's just not enough
I hear your footsteps in my corridor
But it is just my heart, it's pounding like before

Wish I could try
But I just can't say goodbye
No, not tonight
No, I just can't say it

Only got one life to live
We don't even need a piece of sand
Only you and me
We need to hold on, and hold on

The only way I could express my feeling are through musics. Sometimes I feel Im paralyze with words that describe how I feel, and some how I find music to suit what it feels deep inside me. And thats the reason why I love singing. It gives me another way to express my feelings. Anyways for this song, it reminds me so much of someone. I didnt know what love was until he came into my life. He thought me how to love, how to cherish someone, how to walk this journey together. I really miss him. I wish he understands how I feel.

YouKnowYouLoveMe,

-S-

You know wat?

2009-11-19T10:50:00.004+11:00

Guess wat....I woke up super duper early today at 9plus and i slept super duper early yesterday at 1230! Isnt that amazing...haha..It feels nice bt than everyone else is asleep except melody who keep jumping in and out from my bed..Apparently she thinks my bed is her bed now..When she's sleepy she'll jump to my bed instead of hers...grrrr!..Anyways uni's out and ive been bumping around home alot.

My recent activity involves :

Sleeping
Trying out different detox plan ( some works, some didnt)
Clearing out my notes and craps
Facebook ALOT
Stalking people's blog

And even though I have a whole bunch of time to upload pictures and videos, I just couldnt be bothered yet. Thats why i think people who constantly read my blog all gone jor, coz I dont update. I promise soon soon....I will update. And Im planning to do a project called KL 90 days. Which means everyday a picture will be posted to sum up that day's event when Im in KL. At least to keep my blog alive or else i tell you....Im so busy eating, partying and shopping...I sure forget to blog wan. It will start on the day I fly back to kl and then back to melbourne again....Bleh!....But before I do those, I will post pics that has been long overdue!

YouKnowYouLoveMe,
-S-

All hail for the Princess of PoP

2009-11-13T15:10:00.002+11:00

Picture of the day.
My DREAMS CAME TRUE.
She is beyond awesome and I love her very much. Though many as been said about her on this concert, BUT I DONT CARE!!! She rox!! hahaha
The moment she sang the song Everytime, my tears start to roll down my cheeks nonstop. It remind me so much about my past memories with that song and for the very 1st time it was sang LIVE. I dont think anyone understand the lvl of joy im feeeling now. I thhink if she sang other of her older songs, I might cry throughout the whole show man haha. I hope I get to see her perform again.....Thank you Britney for giving us the music you made and the dance you created :)

Anyways, UNI's OUT~~~~~Can you believe it?? Its out and overrrrr.......I cant wait to relax, sit and do nothing haha. But melbourne weather is killing me...Its so freaking hot and I dunno how am I gonna handle KL weather. Sei lor......! Okay gtg out now...will upload more pics on what Ive done lately and video of Ms. Britney concert.

YouKnowYouLoveMe,
-S-

Its my perrogative

2009-11-12T03:15:00.001+11:00

MY DEAR BRITNEY SPEARS
YOUR AWESOME IN EVERY LVL....
After 11 years I finally get to meet u.
I dont care what ppl say or what pp comment about you.
Your always special to me.

Pictures uploading soon!

Derby fully loaded haha

2009-11-04T04:15:00.002+11:00

CAN YOU BELIEVE ITS ALREADY NEAR TO END OF SEMESTER???

Of my freaking gosh time passes by like the wind.
Okay since now everything is done I have tons to do b4 my frens wedding

NO; 1 Go on a straight no carbs diet
NO. 2 20mins at least cardio everyday
NO. Repair my keropok skin on my face due to stress

But before I stress this out, I want to share with you about MJ This is It...Its fantasic, orgasmic and so touching to see the king of pop last master piece...He's marvelous on beyond every lvl. I still miss him dearly and will continue to do as much charity in the memory of him.

Anyways last friday was holloween and coincidentally was Lu's 21st bday...wee wee....HAPPY BDAY LU...!. So for her birthday theme we were suppose to dress up derby style.. Those of you dunno what derby is...Its like dressing up in a nice cocktail dress and to top it of with a KUA CHIONG hat or feather or watever just like the Melbourne Cup or the spring racing carnival in every ang mo country sure have one. But anyways.....here are the picture......

Next week's Sharon's bday....floral print dresses theme...waaaa headache..need to find dress now...

Youknowyouloveme,
-S-

Can you tell me something....

2009-10-28T22:32:00.003+11:00

As much as I try to hide my feelings.
All I can ever think about is you.
I wonder do you still think of me?
Or have you move on?

Lately the only think that keeps me off my mine is my assignments.
3months ago I cant wait to go back kl and see you
But little did I know we been back to square one all over again

I really miss you, I cant forget about u. What can I do?
Sometimes I think you have move on.
Why did you leave me behind?

I want to hear you say I miss you to me
And most of all.....I miss you saying I love you to me.
Those 3 words Im not sure if i ever can hear that again.
But i want to tell you I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU very much.

YouKnowYouLoveMe,
-S-

Architecture or Architorture or Architecure?

2009-10-26T07:06:00.003+11:00

And this is the reason why you all shouldnt do ARCHITECTURE

No1 ITS ARCHITORTURE
No2 You dont get to sleep unless its 7am in the freaking morning like wat im facing now
No3 You have tons of design to do and no sleep
No3 Its freaking suffering and you start to mumble cock at 3am in the morning to your fren when he/she is already half dead doing design too
No4 Your at uni Lab or at frens house doing work when...its time to sleep
No5 You wake up at odd hours and sleeps when the sun rise
No6 You think you finish doing ur design when actually you have more lining up behind
No7 You wanna go out and party and not care anything at all but than you cant
No8 You sacrifies all other subject for DESIGN!
No9 You get lotsa shitty pimples popping out on ur freaking face
No10 You get one massive EYE BAG....and thats ur consolation price for this

Damn it...tell me again why am I doing this and why it doesnt seems to end?????Arghhh as much as I love it....Im hating it aswell....Its a bloody love hate relationship with architecture that you seems to not want to let go even as many times you feel suicidle...arghhh....Gonna hug melody to sleep now.....

Goodnight myself, Good morning Melbourne

YouKnowYouLoveMe,
-S-

ox tongue anyone?

2009-10-25T06:11:00.002+11:00

Spotted : I cook steak for bryan a few days ago and he was damn bloody exited. The smile on his face was priceless...I should cook more for him haha.

Cupcakes are heaven....finally i got to eat my red velvet cupcake....Thank you zha bo for getting it for me...yum yum

Today the gang went to have dinner at hwuora or watever the name is. Its a korean restaurant and its damn nice. Havent eaten a nice korean food in a long time

Look at her face...si zha bo....hahaa like so kesian only/
Owh and and....today was the first time myself and R tried OX TONGUE....okay seriously....ITS DAMN NICE!....I cant believe im saying this but...its freaking nice...now can eat gyu tan don ady hahahahaa......

Thats all my update for the moment...More too come....next week Lu's bday bash as she turns 21 wuhooo....big girl ady...and BBQ at zi yang new house and lotsa lotsa happening shit la....So stay tune....

Youknowyouloveme,
S

The love we once had

2009-10-18T03:39:00.002+11:00

Have you ever wonder for a moment,
What is like to me be?
Bad & happy memories flashes by,
But no one seems to know.

Maybe one day you'll get to feel
How its like to have something you want to say so much,
But you cant and your heart numbs

The sleepness night haunts me,
My heart is crying for you,
If I have to be honest to you,
I wont hesitate to tell you.

But my life is still full of journey and triumph to go through,
Seeing everything right now, it hurts
But with so much complication we both have now,
I shall not enclose anything and lets just keep it a secret

The more my life is full with love
I cant never forget the love that you once painted my life
Stop the hurt, Stop the pain
For you I rather keep our love a secret
And let the ocean sweep the pain away.

YouKnowYouLoveMe,
-S-

MJ

2009-10-14T03:11:00.000+11:00

THIS IS IT!

MJ's new song!....I like please!!

I will be

2009-10-08T00:42:00.001+11:00

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me

All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be, all that you want
And gather myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything OK

I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly

You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me

And without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see,
You're all I need

YouknowYouloveMe,
-S-

The day I let you go................

2009-10-03T13:48:00.002+10:00

You know.....Sometimes Human are like that...the more the cannot get something, the more they make things complicated when its sooo obvious that its simple....YES OR NO. The answer is right at your face but somehow we choose to not see it and tend to give stupid excuses to everyone so that you dont feel bad for yourself for not deciding whats in front of you. And when it time past...you then argued why didnt you do that or what didnt you just decide on that when the answer is in front of you.

There are many people in this world but the ones I really cannot take it, is when people who already know the answer but make a big fuss about it and complicate things just so......it wouldnt be their fucking fault.

Everyone can see it but you PRETEND not too. You choose Not too. You REFUSE too.

So maybe its time for me to built up a solid wall and for me to choose NOT TOO anymore.

In times like this, I just want the truth to be told and complications to vanish.
But with you......its never the case....So might aswell just give up.

I want to give up. I choose to give up. Because you have given up on me and on us many years ago and now its my turn.......So give it time....Im sure it will happen.

Prada & a whole lot more

2009-09-30T22:17:00.002+10:00

Spotted: Prada arrived at Melbourne

Good evening melbourne.....Look what has arrived today......

My prada glasses!!...I love it to death. The only reason why I got the glasses was becoz.....Ok b4 stating the reason why...I should state that I dont even need glasses becoz my eye sight is only 25 and the girl told me that my eye sight has improved. So technically I dont have to but becoz I cant see clear at night because of my aesthic ( if that is correctly spelled), it was a reason that I should get them. Muahahaha...Ive been wanting to get a designer glasses for a long time now and thanks to someone......I got it..!

Wanna know why I bought it? Now let me tell u......

One Monday afternoon, it was raining heavily and I was already damn late to go to a site visit @ the Melbourne exhibition centre just across crown. So bad enuff it was raining, I arrived late and missed the site visit. Damn pissing off and Rachael couldnt make it in time too becoz of the bloody tram. So I decided to fetch her and go have lunch. But soon as I arrived at home....I walked into my room and I saw my cup drop on the floor with the left over milo spilled over the carpet. And rubbish that my dear MELODY went to make a mess out of it and obviously she was the one that drop the milo cup because she wants to enter the circus you seee...climbing here and there!. So anyways, things couldnt get any more pissing off until I saw my glasses on her bed. And when I picked it up this is what left.

A broken lense and doggy bites all over. I was damn furious that I spanked her and put her to a corner. I feel damn mafan la for a start becoz I hate buying glasses here in melbourne and because Im not sure what the freaking procedure is and to check on the eyes its lik 55 bucks...Too much! So anyways I got to get it done and tada......this is what I got....Why Im in love with this glasses is becoz...to state the obvious...Its PRADA.....and secondly...I like the side detailing. I told my melvin about it and he was like " good la....its time to change anyways..ur glasses like damn ah ma and its soo out of style" geeez....I didnt know he can critize my glasses like that....so evil! haha

I wanted to get dior or gucci but it didnt suit me...So prada will do be proud and good!!

First glimpse of me and my prada glasses :)

Owh and and......yesterday I went to vic market with my grandparents and I bought this for melody...Please laugh hahahaa

Damn cute right....she looks damn retarded in it and she couldnt walk properly hahahahaa

Owh well next week hells start and I havent do any shit on my design.......
YouKnowYouLoveMe,
-S-

Lavish

2009-09-28T16:00:00.002+10:00

Good afternoon Melbourne.
Spotted : S & R downtown @ Lavish club

This few days I havent updated my blog prolly becoz I was religiously partying most of the days and drinking nonstop until yesterday. I puke!. And then I realise that its time to take it a break or else......I would go bonkers. Grandpa and grandma arriving melbourne tonite. So Im rushing to cook cook cook and then off to the airport to get them. This means.....no long sleep and tons of walking!....Haih.....On the other bright side.....My mini arrives this wednesday!...haha....Finally or else Im gonna chop the bloody sales man dick off for prolonging it.

Another good news is...........Michael Jackson This is IT is gonna show in melbourne!. Im sooo exited...somehow the ticket price is 35 bucks....But who cares I wanna go...I dont even care if its 100 bucks....This is a musst go.....

Okay gonna rush to cook now....upload pics later....

YouKnowYouLoveMe,
-S-